A small revelation...

Today, there might be a few posts. I started this blog as a way to help myself deal with the large amounts of "stuff" that I have accumlulated over the years. I hate getting rid of things, yet I love buying new things, even if there is a chance that I dont "need" it, I just want it. The sad thing is, I only spend like this, when I am here alone. My husband is a soldier and is away on deployments for 12-15 months at a time and in the field for a month or so at a time. I am not looking for anyone's sympathy or "oh it must be hard's" or the "well you married him" comments. When my husband is home, I couldnt be happier and I am able to control what I spend (to an extent) and where I spend and what I buy (because he is here and gets onto me if he thinks I bought something useless). When he is deployed or in the field, it is the opposite. I buy things to give myself that happy feeling that I have when I see his face in the morning or when he gets home from work. When I get home, I get that "damn, why did I buy this or that, I dont need it" feeling. When I return whatever items, I feel embarrassed because I know inside, I shouldnt have gotten whatever it was in the first place. I get the high and then the crash. I have started talking to a money manager person who also specializes in shopping addictions. She says I am a shopaholic. Just like a cocaine addict needs his fix, I need mine. I told her I was starting a blog to keep myself accountable for everything I do, good or bad. She told me that it was a good way to keep up with everything and to see where I might need some work. I decided to make 2 lists. 1 list for everything I want to buy (like a new shirt or something for the house), the other for everything I need, (like milk or bread), along with the cost of each thing. I am hoping that if I see the costs before the item is purchased or before I even go to the store, I will be able to control the impulse better. My big downfall in all of this, is that I love getting a "good deal" on stuff (and it makes me feel like it's okay to buy whatever, because it was "a good deal"). The cheaper, the better. I love clipping coupons and using them to cut my grocery bill or at whatever other store I am using them at. My problem with that is, I way too often buy stuff that I dont need or will not use but maybe once or twice. We have a pantry full of great deals, but alot of the stuff, I wont ever use. What good is a "great deal" if it never gets used? It's not. This blog is for me, to help me get through a very hard couple of lessons that I need to teach myself. My only hope, is that I might help just one other person see that they can overcome this too. I have so much clutter and stuff clouding up my life. I just need to dig through it, and find my way out. Like all "addicts", I have to take it "One day at a time". Until next post today...